Ah, I remember now. If you don’t post, it slips away from you. And the more you post, the tighter you’re dug in. So, if I don’t write now. It’ll get away from me.
The fire is going and I am comfortably ensconced in my big green leather chair that was a gift from a psychiatrist. I imagine all the problem people who sat here before me and I comfortably fit right in. I have a pillow behind my back and another pillow on my lap, with the lap top perched on top of that. The mouse is on one of the armrests and my old robe is tucked around my waist, a snow hat on my head cause the house hasn’t quite warmed up.
Yesterday, I sat down to write something political and it didn’t come out fast enough. It seems all the reason slowed me down and I petered out on it after about 4 minutes. It seems I don’t have the energy to write something so thoughtful right now. This really feels like a joke right now. A joke to try and keep this up.
I haven’t told my friends about this blog. I suppose the handful of them that were telling me they liked the writing and hoped I’d start again, I suppose I was really writing this for them, for the people that knew me, or at least knew me in a sense. They had the background and the interest. I’m not sure I have the energy or motivation to drum up interest again. Trying to be interesting can be super boring. I dread having to repeat myself.
I suppose I need someone to make this worth doing.
I guess, for me, it is not really about the writing or the art. For me, I guess it was always about the relationships and the art came second. I understand that it is give and take and that I probably need to give more.
Maybe I’m not willing to give what is necessary. Maybe I’m too old to believe anymore. Maybe it is this broken shift key that is slowing me down.
The house is warming and the beanie is riding up my head. I’m midway through my second cup of tea and dawn is cracking. I’m wheezing and coughing and looking at my inhaler across the room. Next time I get up I will take a puff.
There is a big pot of water on the stove in a thin metal pot. It is there to hydrate the house. Call it a humidifier. Because it is thin it makes all kinds of noises as it heats up, as it starts to let off a light steam.
The fig experiment mostly failed I think. I followed all the directions that my buddy gave me. And only 1 out of about 30 had any roots on them. I potted them up anyway but am not hopeful.
I need to lose 10 pounds. My wife says she sees it in my cheeks, the extra weight. I’ve got a big meeting less than a month away for work. Need to look better for that. Plus, when I get heavier I start snoring more. If I can lose ten pounds I won’t snore. Everybody in America probably wants to lose ten pounds. We’re fat and soft. And I’m going to stop here before I start getting political.